Why Me?

By Bryn

As I sit with my wife on the seemingly endless 15 hour flight from Los Angeles to China, tears streaming down both of our faces, I come back to this theme that God has so graciously revealed:

Why me?

God used the 5 weeks I was in the United States to do some wonderful things in my heart. The climactic moment was when I walked out of Grace United Methodist Church last Sunday and said my first set of family goodbyes. As Courtney and I were driving to Johnson City to do the second set of goodbyes, I was awestruck once again by the resplendent beauty of the mountains. My natural response was warm nostalgia, especially in regards to the wonderful people I had just left behind for the second time. Thinking of my church family in particular, they are some of the most genuine people I've known - "warts and all" - and for several of them life in Erwin and its surroundings is about all they have known. Why would God choose me from among their number to experience His love, grace, mercy, and passion in ways that many long for.

With these realities pounding in my brain, eyes moist with tears, I was again confronted face-to-face with my own sinful nature and desperate need for a Savior. Since I left for Southeast Asia, God has consistently been bringing me to my knees with grief for how unfaithful, untrusting, and sinful I can be - yet, from that place comes the overwhelming flood of joy when I consider the price my Father paid for my ransom. From that place comes a respectful, fearful familiarity with Jesus Christ, who is my personal Shepherd and Friend.

As Courtney and I look forward to a new school year of living in God's provision and following His will, I want to make it clear to all those who support us and pray for us that in no way do I consider myself worthy of the call God has given to me. Truthfully, I have no answers at all to the question "Why me?" But I will tell you this: even though difficulties have come and ever loom near for the future, I wouldn't trade anything for this life of walking step-by-step in faith.